Butterfly Trip

Some people have asked me about my and Kate’s butterfly trip at the Children’s Museum in Columbia, SC, so I thought I’d share some pics

Here we are right at the door. Please pardon my lack of face paint.

Kate with butterflies behind her.

She was very very still and the butterflies started landing on her!

Here are some more pics I took while there. Love the buhflies!

And with that, I’ll go ahead and add this song for my daughter Katelyn, because she loves it so

Sweet Release

I have a habit of collecting things.  Especially unfinished projects.  But I also like to collect old cards from people I don’t remember (I once had a friend named Peach?), notebooks from high school with math calculations, and can anyone tell me why I still have a Barbie Fashion calendar from 2005?  Anyone?

Letting go of anything is difficult for me, whether it be material possessions, old friends, jokes I’ve told since I was a kid.  I still go once a year to put a rose on a high school friend’s grave who died in 1996.

So, how do I manage in teaching my daughter this hard lesson of letting go?

It started when we found “Willie” the turtle, who was sitting in the middle of the road in traffic.  Cars were dashing about to keep from hitting him.  Kate and I couldn’t leave him there, so I flipped on the emergency lights, cautiously got out of the car and rescued him.

Over a few days Kate and I tried to make him feel at home.  We put water and rocks in a huge Rubbermaid box and made him a nice oasis.  Katelyn put stickers on his shell and and took him everywhere.  She loved taking him to camp for everyone to see her new pet!  Loving him came easy for her because, unfortunately for being the only child, she is sometimes lonely.  She liked to think of Willie as a loner and she was his new friend.

But Willie was a wild animal.  He didn’t want to be in a box, no matter how much we pimped it out.  He was constantly trying to find new ways of breaking free.  Willie also refused to eat.  The vet said turtles don’t have metabolism like humans, and don’t require food every day, but if after two weeks he doesn’t eat, I would need to take him to be examined.  I was sure Willie was sick…homesick.

I knew what had to be done.  So, we took Willie to a nice pond, but before we let him go, I explained why we had to let him go. “Willie isn’t happy.  And he could die if we don’t let him be free.  This is a life lesson called ‘Letting Go’.  Sometimes we have to let go, even when we don’t want to or it’s painful.  We let go because it’s the right thing to do.  Even though this hurts to let Willie go, you are a brave girl for doing the right thing!  I’m so proud of you!”

Kate understood and knew what to do. 

She picked him up out of the bucket and sat him down on the edge.

She cried as we watched him for awhile. 

But all of a sudden, an amazing thing happened.  We were looking out over the pond and we started seeing these little things poking up out of the water.  We counted 6 of them!  I then realized what they were!  They were turtles! 

Kate said, “Mommy, look!  He has so many friends that came to meet him!”  Even though her face was wet with tears, letting go became a little easier as she knew he was going to be okay.

I thought this lesson was for her to learn, but in actuality Kate taught me something-letting go can be easy if we change the way we look at it.

So, I am going to say goodbye to that Size 0 pair of jeans in my closet and embrace my body as it is now.  Goodbye broken stereo that I vowed to fix, for I can afford a new one.  Goodbye 2003 copy of Glamour, for I know what steps to take if I ever want to seduce a man.

Aaaaahh…letting go never felt so good!

Do you ear what I ear?

Often I am asked what Meniere’s Disease is so I thought I’d take some time to explain. Here is the Mayo Clinic’s definition:

“Meniere’s disease is a disorder of the inner ear that causes abnormal sensory perceptions, including a sensation of a spinning motion (vertigo), hearing loss usually in one ear, fullness or pressure in the same ear, and ringing in the same ear (tinnitus).”

Sounds so simple, doesn’t it. What they don’t say is that sometimes it leads to complete deafness in one ear and also could affect the other ear and leave you completely deaf.

Let me take you through a small tour of my life with Meniere’s:

Phase 1=The best phase Me at my best, living life happily. It’s at this time I could stub my toe, my car could break down, or I could have sneezed while putting on mascara and I’d say “Well, at least I still have my health”.

Phase 2=My ear becomes slightly full. Ever been to a rock concert and forgotten your ear plugs? You know the next day how everything is muffled in your ear? That’s phase 2. It’s at this time I start the dreadful diuretic and pray it clears.

Phase 3=My ear goes from slightly muffled to OMG it’s loud! It feels like my head has weights in it, as it pulls to one side. Usually my neck muscles on that side feel strained and even though I can’t hear certain things, I grow completely irritated at any loud noises. The sound of normal talking human conversations, the TV, the sound of a spoon scraping a bowl, etc.

Phase 4=And I’m out. Attack hits. This is the scariest part. My ear goes from loud to me seriously believing a train is rushing around in my ear. Once it starts screaming my entire body starts to panic as everything starts spinning. And I don’t mean slightly. Try drinking a 12 pack of beer and stepping onto the spinning tea cups at Disney with a ruthless kid who thinks it’s fun to go faster and faster and then we’d be talking on the same level. At this point, it’s very difficult because I start developing food poisoning symptoms where I have to get to the bathroom NOW. But I can’t. I’m spinning. This is where the most accidents happen. I’ve become pretty bruised up trying to reach my destination. Once I somehow crawl to the bathroom, the symptoms start-and yes, by food poisoning symptoms I mean not only making it to the bathroom, but having to pull out a trash can in front of you as well. And keep in mind, I’m still on the twirling ride. So, I get massively sick and then strangely, I start yawning uncontrollably. Yawn after yawn after yawn. Once the yawning subsides, I start crying uncontrollably. Tears come and usually I try to think of something sad because what my body is trying to do is rid itself of the excess water crap in my ear, so I treat it like a friend-I try to help it along. So after that I get so tired, I land on the floor. Keep in mind I’m still spinning. I have to lie there exhausted on the floor and stare at one mark. Sometimes it’s a small mark on the wall, or a toy on the bathroom floor, whatever. Then as I lie there, it happens again. I have to get up and I get sick all over again. Then I lie back down and cope until the spinning has stopped.

Total time of Phase 4-Takes 2 hours, usually on the dot. Then I’m so exhausted I sleep for the rest of the day. But not until I have an apple. Yes, for some reason my body craves an apple after the attack.

And now I will comment on a lot of questions and comments I’ve received…

1) Aren’t you scared a lot?
Yes and No. Phase 1-2 No. I go through life happy and trying to cope. Phase 3-Yes, slightly. I know it’s coming and do everything in my power to stop it. Phase 4-Intense panic. Also, over the years I’ve developed a major fear of throwing up (that I seem to be slowly conquering due to Meniere’s). So, yes, it terrifies me.

2) My ear rings a lot too.
Well, great. Count your blessings that’s all you go through.

3) Can I have your phone number? I could probably whisper sweet nothings in your ear to heal you.
When I ever see this as a possible cure, I’ll consider it.

4) Can’t they do anything to stop it?
They could, but they don’t want to unless I’ve done everything possible to cope. In other words, they want me to suffer for as long as possible. The problem with surgery is it could automatically cause deafness. So, they’d rather not add you to the list of people they’ve screwed up.

5) You seem bitter.
Nope, just in Phase 3 right now and starting to feel a little worried.

6) Want me to go get you a sponge? You can swallow that and maybe it would soak up some of that excess water.
Gee, thanks Ian. I knew I could count on you. LOL

7) Do you ever leave the house?
All the time. Fortunately, I experience Phase 1 & 2 a whole lot more in my life. I will usually stay close to home when Phase 3 strikes and always pray to the gods of love and healing I’m home when Phase 4 hits.

8.) I saw it on my blog I can cure you. Can I have your phone number now?
Sorry, still not buying it.

9) Why don’t you just eat an apple before the attack, that’s obviously what your body needs.
Do you want the simple answer or the smart ass answer? Simple answer:I’ve tried that. Thanks for trying to help. Smart-ass answer: Why thank you Sir Issac Newton! You’ve just solved what every doctor in America hasn’t been able to and you barely graduated from high school. To what do I pay this honor?

10) What have you done to cope?
I’ve stood on my head, I’ve tried chiropractors, I’ve tried virus and bacteria meds, I’ve tried ibprofen, I’ve tried OTC allergy medicines, I’ve tried crying a lot, I’ve tried massages, I’ve tried diuretics, I’ve tried sleeping it off, I’ve tried natural diuretics, I’ve tried accupressure points, I’ve tried exercise, I’ve tried low salt diets, I’ve tried drinking more water than I should, I now have an addiction to Gatorade. Nothing has worked so far.

10) Oh, so that’s why you work from home.
Uh, no. I work from home b/c it’s been a proven fact I’m smarter in business than most of my ex-bosses have been.

11) What’s the scariest attack you’ve had?
I was taking my daughter to school and it hit. Luckily the force was with me and I was able to drop her off and get home before I hit the floor. The school is only 5 minutes away. Still very scary and hard when you come up to a red light and everything starts spinning. I know better now. Once I hit Phase 3, I put my keys away and rely on the beautiful friendships I have.

12) I think I have Meniere’s, where can I go for more info?
First, don’t go to your regular doctor. I can’t tell you how much time and money I’ve wasted going to general practioners and chiropractors who claimed they could “heal” me. I advise you to go to a ENT doctor first. I’ve heard chiropractors can help ease symptoms, but be wary of the ones who claim they can heal! Afterall, this is a disease, a force to be reckoned with.

Conclusion
Even though there are times I’m down and the best part of my day is watching Bonanza on TV, I always think it could be worse. I could be suffering in both ears or be completely deaf. So for that, I am still thankful to be me